Time and time again, TJ and are asked why we choose to adopt through foster care vs private infant adoption and what the differences are. I guess I will cover the differences first and then they whys.
1. process--- with all of these you have to have a homestudy. The process is different from state to state and from agency to agency. What we had to do was go through PRIDE training, have a home inspection by an agency worker, take first aid classes, have numerous background checks, references from many people personal as well as professional, fill out about a million forms, have a physical, financial info, and who knows what else, I can't even remember now.
2. SELECTION-- So the selection process is very different here. With infant or private adoption, the prospective parent submits their homestudies to an agency and they are included in a book that is shown to birth mothers to look through. The birth mother then selects the family that she is wanting her child to go to. The agency then contacts the family and says that they have been selected for a child. They can either choose to accept that child or not. State adoptions or through foster care is very different. There are some sites on the Internet where you can go and view kids that are legally free for adoption (more about this later), or more often than not it is all by word of mouth that you will find out about a child. Once you find a child that you may be interested in, you have to appear before a board for the selection process. There can be many other families interested in the same child. I know less about international adoption than the other two but will do my best. I think that for the most part you select a country and then go on a waiting list and that you are matched with a child sort of in time.
3. QUALIFYING-- not sure all of the qualifications for all of them but there are age, financial and other restrictions due to race and other things that very from country to country
4. COST-- this is one of the biggest differences. Private adoptions can run anywhere from 17,000 on up to close to 50,000. There are grants and loans that you can apply for to help offset the cost some. International adoption can be just as costly and requires at least one trip over seas most times. State adoptions really very depending on the state, the child, and the circumstances. It can be anywhere from almost free to thousands of dollars as well.
5. TIME-- This is a question that is always asked. There is no good way to answer this. The best being said that there is no guarantee that you will ever be placed with a child. Private- a birth mother may never choose you. State-- You may never be chosen by the committee for a child. International- I have never known anyone to not get a child from over seas but do know that once selected for a child it can still take years to actually get them in the US.
6. BIRTH PARENTS-- Private adoptions can be open- where the birth family has varying degrees of communication with the adopted family or closed which is where the birth family has no contact with the adopted family--- State adoptions- Most of these children are in state care because their parents have lost their right by the state to be parents or to have custody of these kids. Sometimes a parent voluntarily gives up custody of their children to the state. When a child is in care they are either legally free meaning that the parents rights have been terminated or not legally free. When they are not legally free- an adoption can not go through until they are free.Not sure about International.
I am sure that I am missing several key things here if you have any questions just let me know and I will see if I have the answers, if not than I will see if I can get them!
So now to the why we chose state adoption. Well first and foremost, we feel that this is what God has led us to do. There are 1000s of kids here in the US without forever families. It breaks my heart to think that they grow up being bounced around from place to place and are never really allowed to be children. These kids need someone to love them just as much as any other child. Now we don't view one form better than the other, we feel that God calls different people to adopt different ways and some people He does not even call to adopt. But our recommendation to people thinking of adoption is just to do your homework. Know what you and your family is willing to do, and what your resources are not all monetary). Adoption is a roller coaster ride and will definitely try you and your faith. It is not for the faint in heart or that do not have stable relationships. It is tough. No lie. But it is something that is very important. find a really good agency that will listen to you and will walk you through the steps. Find support groups, they are all over the Internet, find someone locally that has already adopted and listen to their story. Most of all pray. God will lead you to the right place, the right child, and at the right time. It is frustrating. We are still waiting, but we know that God has a plan.
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